When I first embarked on my personal development journey, I became acutely aware of my ego for the first time. But instead of bringing me closer to peace, this awareness created more division within myself. I found myself fighting against the very parts of me I was just beginning to notice.
I judged and criticized these parts, labeling them as “bad” or “wrong.” Without understanding their purpose, I saw them as obstacles to my growth, believing I had to rid myself of them to become whole. But this approach only deepened my inner conflict.
It wasn’t until I discovered parts work that I began to see my ego for what it truly is—not an enemy, but a complex system of inner parts, each with a role and a purpose.
Understanding the Ego Through Parts Work
The ego, as I now understand it, is made up of systems, much like the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model describes. Within this system are:
Protectors: These parts step in to keep us safe and maintain control, often by trying to avoid pain or vulnerability.
Wounded Parts: These are the tender, hurt places within us—the parts that hold unresolved pain, shame, or fear.
Firefighters: These parts act quickly to numb or distract us when emotions feel overwhelming, using behaviors like overworking, scrolling, or other forms of avoidance.
Each part is a product of our experiences and adapts to help us navigate life. While their strategies may sometimes cause harm or confusion, their intentions are rooted in self-preservation.
From Fighting to Understanding
At first, becoming aware of my ego felt like a battle. I thought growth meant eliminating these parts or silencing their voices. This is, after all, what a lot of the wellness industry and spiritual community speaks about. How to overcome our ego or dissolve our ego, as though it is the enemy in life. But the more I fought, the more entrenched they became.
Through parts work, I realized that these parts weren’t trying to sabotage me—they were trying to help me in the only way they knew how. I began to shift from criticism to curiosity, asking questions like:
What is this part trying to protect me from?
How long has it been carrying this role?
What does it need from me?
Instead of battling, I began to:
Recognize the Parts: By identifying my protectors, wounded parts, and firefighters, I could better understand their roles and patterns.
Acknowledge Their Purpose: Each part developed for a reason, often as a response to pain or fear. When I acknowledged their efforts, I could thank them rather than blame or shame them.
Offer Compassion: Seeing my ego as a system of parts doing their best, I could approach them with love instead of judgment.
Remembering Who I Am
Parts work also reconnected me with something deeper—my true Self. In the IFS model, the Self is the core of who we are: calm, curious, compassionate, and loving. It’s the part of us that exists beyond the ego’s roles and strategies.
When I engage with my parts from this place of Self, something profound happens. The parts begin to trust me. They no longer feel they have to work so hard to protect me because they know I am here, capable of holding space for them.
This shift isn’t about erasing the ego—it’s about integrating it. By working with my parts, I found that my true Self could lead with love, not fear.
Loving My Ego, Loving Myself
This process has been life-changing. I realized that loving myself meant loving all my parts—the protectors, the wounded, the firefighters. It meant forgiving them for their sometimes clumsy attempts to keep me safe and recognizing their deep desire to serve me.
And something unexpected happened: as I found compassion for my own parts, I began to understand others more deeply. I could see their parts—their protectors, their wounds, their ways of coping—and it softened my heart toward them.
The Invitation
The ego isn’t something to fight or fix. It’s a collection of parts, each carrying a story, a role, and a longing to protect us. When we stop battling these parts and start listening to them, we create space to remember who we truly are: Self, source, love.
This shift is about healing the inner divisions we carry and stepping into a life led by the wisdom of our true Self. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. And it begins with a single act of compassion—for the parts of you that are trying their best.
Ready to explore how this work can support you? Let’s chat!
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