What's Wrong With Me? Nothing. I'm Just Single.

On shame, freedom, and the extraordinary lives we can create outside romantic partnership.

As a single woman in her 40's, I've been asked that dreaded question more times than I can count:

"What's wrong with you? Why are you still single?"

Sometimes the question has been direct. Other times it's been disguised as curiosity, concern, or even a compliment. "You're such a catch. How are you still single?" As though there must be an explanation. As though being single is evidence that something has gone wrong.

And here's the truth that I'm finally ready to admit. For a long time, despite knowing how much I love the life I've created, I've carried shame around my relationship status.

Because truly, I've lived an extraordinary life so far. I've followed my curiosity. I've explored different paths. I've built friendships and communities. I've pursued meaningful work. I've fallen in love, experienced heartbreak, grown, changed, and discovered new versions of myself.

I've created a life that feels deeply meaningful to me.

And yet, somewhere beneath all of that, I've carried the belief that perhaps something was missing. Not necessarily because I felt it was missing. But because the world keeps telling me it is.

From the time we're young, many of us are taught a particular version of what a successful life looks like. Find someone. Fall in love. Get married. Have children. Build a life together.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting that life. Please know that this is not me saying that I am against this version of life. My question is, "what happens when we begin to believe it's the only legitimate path?" What happens when we measure the richness of our lives against whether or not we have a romantic partner? What happens when we spend so much energy searching for a relationship that we overlook the relationships, opportunities, and possibilities already available to us? And what happens when we genuinely enjoy being single, but feel ashamed to admit it?

I've recently been reflecting on all the different lives I've lived. The places I've been. The people I've met. The experiences I've had. The risks I've taken. The versions of myself I've had the freedom to explore. I often get asked how it's possible that I've become so many versions of myself and lived so many different lives. I'm beginning to recognize how much of that has been shaped by being single.

Not because people in relationships can't live adventurous, meaningful, expansive lives.

Of course they can. But because, for me, singlehood has created space. Space to follow my intuition. Space to make decisions based on what feels aligned. Space to explore who I am outside the expectations of a romantic partnership. Space to invest in friendships, community, creativity, and my relationship with myself.

And perhaps most importantly, space to question what I actually want, rather than simply following the path I was taught to pursue.

I think it's important that I am also very honest that I believe in love. I believe in intimacy, vulnerability, partnership, and the beauty of sharing our lives with others. But I also believe we've placed romantic relationships on a pedestal, often at the expense of other forms of connection.

We've come to believe that being partnered means we've arrived somewhere, while being single means we're still waiting.

And I'm beginning to question that story for all of the people out there who are single.

What if being single isn't a waiting room?

What if it's a life worth celebrating in its own right?

What if the answer to loneliness isn't always romantic partnership, but deeper friendships, stronger communities, and a greater sense of belonging?

And what if we stopped asking single people why they're still single and started asking them about the lives they're creating?

This is why I'm beginning to share more openly about my experience. Not because I've figured it all out. Not because I've never wanted a partner, or never felt lonely, or never questioned my choices. But because I recognize how much shame I've carried around something that has also brought me so much joy.

And I wonder how many others feel the same.

I want to share stories about the lives I've lived, the freedom I've experienced, the relationships I've cultivated, and the lessons I've learned along the way. I want to explore the cultural conditioning that tells us we're incomplete without romantic partnership. I want to talk about friendship, community, intimacy, motherhood, belonging, and the many different ways we can create meaningful lives.

And I want to make room for a different conversation about what it means to be single.

One that isn't centred on finding someone.

One that doesn't treat singlehood as a problem to solve.

One that recognizes that a life can be rich, connected, adventurous, intimate, and deeply fulfilling, regardless of relationship status.

Because perhaps the question was never, "What's wrong with me?"

Perhaps the better question is:

What becomes possible when we stop believing that something is wrong?

I'm curious how many of us have been carrying shame around being single, even while creating lives we genuinely love. And I'm even more curious about what becomes possible when we begin to challenge that story together.

I'm beginning to explore something called The Celebrated Single — a space to celebrate the lives we're creating, honour the milestones that often go unrecognized, and bring our communities together in meaningful ways.

Think beautiful dinners, joyful gatherings, music, dancing, meaningful conversations, and opportunities to celebrate one another.

Not singles events designed to help us find a partner.

Celebrations designed to honour the lives we're already living.

And I'd love for you to be part of shaping what this becomes.

Whether you're happily single, navigating a new chapter, questioning the expectations you've inherited, or simply believe that love and belonging extend far beyond romantic partnership, I'd love to hear from you.

What has being single made possible in your life? And what do you wish we celebrated more?

Share your thoughts in the comments, or send me a message. Let's start imagining what it might look like to bring the village back together.

Because I believe your life is worth celebrating. Exactly as it is.

P.S. This photo was taken on a spontaneous trip to Mexico this past winter, where I kept extending my trip....a 5 day retreat turned into 7 weeks in San Pancho!