So often, we find ourselves fixated on the problems we want to fix—the habits, behaviors, or patterns that seem to be holding us back. We want to change the way we react to stress, break free from unhealthy habits, or shift out of limiting beliefs. We think that if we can just get rid of the "problem," everything will fall into place. But what if the problem isn't the problem at all?
What if our habits, the ones we wish to change, are simply mirrors reflecting something deeper? What do I mean? Let's find a pattern I found myself in for years. Binge drinking. For years I focused on controlling the behavior—cutting back, finding new coping mechanisms, or trying to willpower my way out of it. But what if the alcohol itself wasn't the issue? What if it was simply a way of numbing what I was struggling to face internally? The real question isn't about the alcohol; it's about what I was trying to avoid or escape from.
How do I know this? When I quit drinking, the pattern was still there. I quickly replaced the alcohol with food and watching tv (which became my next 'problem' to fix). Anything to help me feel better and numb out from the discomfort I was experiencing...until one day, I started looking at my internal world. And the external patterns suddenly shifted. The coping mechanisms suddenly fell away. I had no clue how to tell people what I did to shift the coping mechanism, because it wasn't really about the behaviour at all.
These habits and behaviors are mirrors, reflecting something that's happening in our internal world—emotions, fears, unresolved pain, unmet needs. We spend so much time working on the surface-level issue, the "problem," but the deeper issue remains hidden. We might succeed in controlling or suppressing the symptom temporarily, but without addressing the root cause, the pattern will resurface in another form. It may look different, but it will still be there, showing up in ways we didn't expect, because the reflection in the mirror hasn’t been fully understood.
So, what if instead of focusing all our energy on fixing the symptom, we focused on what the mirror is showing us? What if we paused to truly reflect on what these behaviors are trying to tell us? In that space, we can start to realign ourselves with what truly matters—our core values, our inner peace, our sense of purpose.
When we focus on coming back into alignment, the need for behaviors that no longer serve us naturally begins to diminish. Instead of seeing our habits as problems that need fixing, we can begin to see them as signals—a call to pay attention to what’s going on beneath the surface. When we tend to the root cause and realign with our authentic self, the mirror no longer shows us a distorted version of who we are. It reflects a clearer, truer picture, and the need for old patterns of coping falls away.
This shift isn’t about ignoring the problem or pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s about acknowledging that the behavior is simply a reflection of something deeper within us. And when we address the root of it—the emotional, mental, or spiritual imbalance—we stop feeding the pattern. We heal from the inside out.
So next time you find yourself overwhelmed by a habit or behavior that seems to keep repeating, look at it as a mirror. Ask yourself: What is this habit showing me about what's going on inside? What deeper need or emotion am I trying to avoid or numb? And, most importantly: How can I come back into alignment with my true self in this moment?
When we focus on realigning with who we truly are, the habits that once seemed like problems will begin to naturally fall away. It’s not about fixing the surface issue—it’s about turning inward and addressing what the mirror is showing us. In that space, healing happens naturally, and we can step into a version of ourselves that feels more whole and aligned.
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